Saturday, March 22, 2008
The wallflower
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QZutLZRgJM
How often do we catch either ourselves or other men acting like “wallflowers”? That is, generally acting anti-social and eyeing women. It has been shown that women have more acute peripheral vision then men and just because they aren’t looking directly at a man, doesn’t mean she doesn’t notice your greasy eyeballs all over her. In all likelihood, she will avoid making eye contact altogether as the net affect could be taken the wrong way. That is, she might think you’ll wrongly assume she is interested which will only invite additional problems for her. Using a gaze instead of a stare is much more effective positive body language. Gazing is very hard for men to accomplish and involves showing ‘appreciation’ for the person that is being viewed. Men normally cast their eyes toward women like they are objects. Married men can be the worse for this since they oogle women without any intension of ever approaching or talking with them. My short advice is to avoid checking women out in this way and allow them to show you interest by having them initiate the eye contact. There are more appropriate and positive ways to get female attention, such as being the life of the party, or being seen conversing with other people (being social) rather then being a loner and staring at women like they are a slab of meat.
If you want to learn more signals of sexual interest, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Does Barack Obama have Narcissistic Personality Disorder [NPD]?
Definition: NPD is rare in the general population (1-2%). A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
If you want to learn more signals of sexual interest, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Presidential Candidate Body Language: Barack Obama, John McCain and Hillary Clinton
What can we gather from tonality and gestures of the candidates in their campaigns? It is an interesting question to ponder. John McCain often uses his voice in a monotone fashion and lowers it, which is typical for alpha males. When women speak, they often change levels in pitch and volume and infuse more emotion into their speech then men. Therefore we should naturally expect Hillary Clinton to be more expressive for the simple reason that she is a woman. But how does Barack Obama compare? Well, he is someplace in between. He is much more expressive then John McCain but not as expressive as Hillary. Overall, women find men who are more expressive more appealing then men that are typically monotone, although respect and leadership qualities are often attributed to those with deeper voices. Hillary therefore is at a distinct disadvantage in this department. The research also shows that deeper voices are more believable, trustworthy, and authoritative. If Hillary were to attempt a deeper voice, it would carry across a room poorly, it might even appear angry or screechy.
Presidential Candidate Body Language: Barack Obama, John McCain and Hillary Clinton
Also note how Obama’s voice is rhythmic and hypnotic as a preacher would address his congregation. His voice emphasizes certain words and draws them out. His speech is not unlike Martin Luther King’s style in his speech “I Have a Dream”. He pauses frequently to allow the crowd to stir or cheer. Pausing is a way to control the audience, it is a powerful tool that can be used by regular people who which to appear dominant. The person pausing lacks any fear of being cut off by those surrounding him.
What can be said about the language of their bodies? It’s fairly obvious that McCain is much more rigid, but this is due to injuries sustained from war and age. He uses his arms far less then Obama and this can come off as less expressive. McCain’s arm movements are more deliberate and controlled though, which is typical of leader’s. Along with his voice, McCain demonstrates stability, control and safety whereas Obama conveys dynamic change. You might also note that Obama frequently looks down his nose at people. The head is tilted back and the eye appears to look through the nose (almost God-like). This is a very egotistical posture to hold and is elitist. It is what a wealthy person might do in the presence of a beggar.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Eliot Spitizer Body Language
What's most significant about the body language during Eliot Spitzer’s news conference is that performed by Eliot's wife Silda Spitzer. She is avoiding eye contact with the media. She stands at attention with her feet together as a child would when they address an authority figure. She is addressing the media in this way to ask for permission or receive punishment. Her head is most often down and submissive occasionally making eye contact with Eliot. Her shoulders are turned in also reducing her body size showing submission. During the press conference she appears to show little expression almost as if she is not present emotionally. She is using displacement behaviour which is what people typically do as they travel through a large city full of strangers by not showing emotion. She is, in essence, removing herself from the situation and treats others in the room like objects. She most likely sees them that way as well for fear of being reprimanded. She appears to be unemotional and also un-supportive as her glances toward Eliot are barren. Her distance also shows that she is withdrawn from Eliot. She makes no attempt to come any closer then about six inches and performs no supportive touching. Her arms are behind her back showing restraint.
Eliot’s language is dominant and in control like an Alpha male. His moves are quickly and deliberately and shows that he has planned his speech and is executing as if it was a hired task. He is efficient and to the point. What is most significant is his last tight lipped smile which shows that he is repressing or hiding a thought or emotion. The downturned smile also shows unhappiness, anger, tension and depression when held for any permanent length of time. He flashes it only briefly to express an emotion. Remember, body language is triggered by emotional thoughts and actually serves to relieve our inner impulses. Our bodies release the tension created by our minds. Often we can’t continue normally without first satisfying this urge. Think of this gesture like an itch, obviously Eliot Spitzer needed to scratch this itch before he could continue with his life.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
The Sexy Skirt Hike and It's Hidden Meaning
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3W7HK2yguM
The skirt hike is such a sexy display of sexual interest! What’s even more fascinating is that this signal happens subconsciously! Women who are available and interested will subconsciously play with their shirt buttons, perhaps unbuttoning and re-buttoning the upper button to reveal more skin serving to tease the men around her. She might also be flashing her wrists and if she is wearing a skirt will be playing with the bottom of her skirt and pulling it up slightly. It’s so potent that if she notices a man that she is not interested in, she will quickly force the skirt back down! We know if body language is directed at us by monitoring eye contact and the direction in which the toes are pointed. Women normally motion body language signals directly at a target so watching the rest of her body will tell us which person she is interested in.
If you want to learn more signals of sexual interest, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Escalate with hot tubs - Intimacy and temperature
Escalate with hot tubs
by Christopher Philip
The temperature of a normal, healthy human being is 37° C (98.4° F), but skin temperature is almost always lower than this and varies according to our emotional state. When we are anxious or afraid our temperature drops. If we are relaxed or sexually aroused, the temperature increases. During the intimate stages of a sexual encounter, a drop in body heat sends a message to our sexual partner who interprets it, usually correctly, as a lack of interest, dislike, unease or disapproval. People who are emotionally cold are also likely to be physically cold. When a man or woman is described as "hot stuff" or we speak of a "warm embrace" it may well be almost literally true.
As they become more passionate, the skin temperature of "hot people" really does get hot. This is in turn read correctly by their partner as an elevation in mood and intimacy. The hot tub therefore is a great way to artificially increase attraction via increased skin temperature. A warm sunny day can have the very same effect. Conversely, cold winter days can be a significant block in intimacy. In these circumstances, try cuddling up next to a warm wood fireplace.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
by Christopher Philip
The temperature of a normal, healthy human being is 37° C (98.4° F), but skin temperature is almost always lower than this and varies according to our emotional state. When we are anxious or afraid our temperature drops. If we are relaxed or sexually aroused, the temperature increases. During the intimate stages of a sexual encounter, a drop in body heat sends a message to our sexual partner who interprets it, usually correctly, as a lack of interest, dislike, unease or disapproval. People who are emotionally cold are also likely to be physically cold. When a man or woman is described as "hot stuff" or we speak of a "warm embrace" it may well be almost literally true.
As they become more passionate, the skin temperature of "hot people" really does get hot. This is in turn read correctly by their partner as an elevation in mood and intimacy. The hot tub therefore is a great way to artificially increase attraction via increased skin temperature. A warm sunny day can have the very same effect. Conversely, cold winter days can be a significant block in intimacy. In these circumstances, try cuddling up next to a warm wood fireplace.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Lists of things girls want and don't want!
TOP 13 FLIRTING FLOPS
by Christopher Philip
The following is a list of things that have been determined to be some of the worst you can do when attempting to pick someone up.
1. Approaching too closely
2. Bad breath
3. Bad hygiene
4. Bragging
5. Disproportionate laughter
6. Drunken antics
7. Excessive flattery
8. Smoking
9. Playing dumb
10. Poor eye contact
11. Shaking hands for too long
12. Staring too much
13. Talking on a cell phone.
THE 20 MOST EFFECTIVE WAYS TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
The following list represent the best ways to impress a woman as determined by 29 male and 27 female undergraduate students in a study by Buss in 1988. Keep in mind when reading this list that these are ways that are perceived to be the best. They are a matter of debate if you ask me. Of course, it would not hurt your chances if you did all or even some of these things.
1. Displaying a good sense of humour
2. Acting sympathetic to her troubles
3. Keeping self well groomed
4. Making an effort to spend a lot of time with one woman
5. Offering to help her
6. Showering on a daily basis
7. Keeping physically fit and creating a healthy appearance
8. Exercising
9. Wearing attractive outfits
10. Washing hair everyday
11. Wearing stylish clothes
12. Going on a diet to improve figure
13. Smiling at women a lot
14. Giving encouraging glances to women
15. Bringing a woman to a nice restaurant
16. Participating in extracurricular activities to meet women
17. Touching women
18. Making up jokes to make women laugh
19. Expressing strong opinions
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
by Christopher Philip
The following is a list of things that have been determined to be some of the worst you can do when attempting to pick someone up.
1. Approaching too closely
2. Bad breath
3. Bad hygiene
4. Bragging
5. Disproportionate laughter
6. Drunken antics
7. Excessive flattery
8. Smoking
9. Playing dumb
10. Poor eye contact
11. Shaking hands for too long
12. Staring too much
13. Talking on a cell phone.
THE 20 MOST EFFECTIVE WAYS TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
The following list represent the best ways to impress a woman as determined by 29 male and 27 female undergraduate students in a study by Buss in 1988. Keep in mind when reading this list that these are ways that are perceived to be the best. They are a matter of debate if you ask me. Of course, it would not hurt your chances if you did all or even some of these things.
1. Displaying a good sense of humour
2. Acting sympathetic to her troubles
3. Keeping self well groomed
4. Making an effort to spend a lot of time with one woman
5. Offering to help her
6. Showering on a daily basis
7. Keeping physically fit and creating a healthy appearance
8. Exercising
9. Wearing attractive outfits
10. Washing hair everyday
11. Wearing stylish clothes
12. Going on a diet to improve figure
13. Smiling at women a lot
14. Giving encouraging glances to women
15. Bringing a woman to a nice restaurant
16. Participating in extracurricular activities to meet women
17. Touching women
18. Making up jokes to make women laugh
19. Expressing strong opinions
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Monday, March 10, 2008
On Mirroring Body Language
Link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXdGRImmRZY
Mirroring is an instant way of building or monitoring the connection people have with one another. Yawning for example is a way that even complete strangers feel compelled to mimic. Mirroring-body language helps us gauge what level of agreement is present between people. In our historical past, mirroring each others gestures served to eliminate aggression between people. We use it today in much the same way. Two strangers won’t initially hold the same gestures or will hold closed body language and postures, but as agreements and opinions are expressed the body will show agreement and common ground. In dating, mirroring plays an even more potent role as couples can groove in almost complete synchrony which we call the matting dance. Mirroring therefore, says “Look at me, I’m the same as you, and we both agree”. Mirroring also shows how rooted cooperation is in our nature and how we can tolerate cooperation with just about anyone for a short period of time. Mirroring can go as deep as simultaneous blinking and nostril flares, eyebrow flashes and as we see in the video drinking in unison.
If you want to learn more signals of sexual interest, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Friday, March 7, 2008
The Peek-A-Boo Game
The following was excerpted from E-book – Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language found at www.BodyLanguageProject.com
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln2tOnFYBIY
“This technique can be used by both men and women. Peek-a-boo is played in much the same way as kids play it, but in a slightly more sophisticated manner. You can do this across a room with another woman by using objects such as menus, drinking glasses, or with people walking by. This game, if done properly, will function to arouse women. It teases them. It is as if the eyes, when finally revealed, are made better by their absence. Two people who are attracted to one another often do this at a distance. You can imagine two people in a crowded bar, each having noticed the other. As they evaluate one another by scanning over them, sooner or later their eyes will meet. Then someone or something will break the visual contact between them. Curiosity will take hold and either the man or the women will shift to reestablish the sight path and their eyes will meet again. This form of flirting is what most people would call love at first sight. It is a connection that is created with no words at all and it sets the stage for courtship. Normally the players of the game will feel a sense of exhilaration especially when they are caught eye-to-eye. It can send a shockwave through the player’s bodies and cause the woman to blush, smile, and perhaps giggle. If you notice that a woman is playing the game with you, then she is probably inviting verbal contact. It can also be played with various body parts. For a woman it can be done by flashing skin through a slit. Arguable this is why slits are particularly seductive. It can also be done by un-buttoning and re-buttoning a shirt or collar. Ultimately, it is a form of teasing and can be very seductive.”
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln2tOnFYBIY
“This technique can be used by both men and women. Peek-a-boo is played in much the same way as kids play it, but in a slightly more sophisticated manner. You can do this across a room with another woman by using objects such as menus, drinking glasses, or with people walking by. This game, if done properly, will function to arouse women. It teases them. It is as if the eyes, when finally revealed, are made better by their absence. Two people who are attracted to one another often do this at a distance. You can imagine two people in a crowded bar, each having noticed the other. As they evaluate one another by scanning over them, sooner or later their eyes will meet. Then someone or something will break the visual contact between them. Curiosity will take hold and either the man or the women will shift to reestablish the sight path and their eyes will meet again. This form of flirting is what most people would call love at first sight. It is a connection that is created with no words at all and it sets the stage for courtship. Normally the players of the game will feel a sense of exhilaration especially when they are caught eye-to-eye. It can send a shockwave through the player’s bodies and cause the woman to blush, smile, and perhaps giggle. If you notice that a woman is playing the game with you, then she is probably inviting verbal contact. It can also be played with various body parts. For a woman it can be done by flashing skin through a slit. Arguable this is why slits are particularly seductive. It can also be done by un-buttoning and re-buttoning a shirt or collar. Ultimately, it is a form of teasing and can be very seductive.”
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Odds are you’ll get a date - a real life experiment
Odds are you’ll get a date
By Martin Dobrovosky in association with www.BodyLanguageProject.com
If you’re not going on as many dates as you’d like, it’s because you’re simply not making the effort. At least that’s the suggestion behind the results of an experiment in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality. In fact, it seems that the important lesson to be learned from the experiment, conducted by Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield, is that you really don’t have to make much of an effort at all. Clark and Hatfield had college men, who varied in appearance from slightly unattractive to moderately attractive, stroll across the campus of Florida State University until they found an attractive woman they wanted to date. The men had to approach the woman and say: “I have been noticing you around campus and I find you to be very attractive.” Then they were to ask them one of three questions: (1) “Would you go out with me tonight?” (2) “Would you come over to my apartment tonight?” or (3) “Would you go to bed with me tonight?” First, we’re sorry to have to report that none of the women agreed to sex – responses ranged from “You’ve got to be kidding” to “What’s wrong with you, creep, leave me alone.” But, 6 percent agreed to the apartment invitation, while an encouraging 56 percent agreed to a date! So, if you choose to ask women to your apartment (which could very easily lead to sex if you play the right music and serve the right wine) then you only have to approach 17 women before you find one who’s up for it. Better yet, if you stick to the date question, you only have to ask 2 women before you find one who’ll go out with you. That’s every other woman! So, basically, just suck it up and ask.
Your Task: Run your own experiment – We did
Those were the results of one experiment. Well, we here at The Body Language Project, being the investigative journalistic types as we are (Geraldo Rivera has nothing on us!), thought it wise to see if we could duplicate the results. We headed to the local University early one afternoon and found a willing male subject in the on-campus bar. He agreed to ask ten women out on a date.
[see website/articles for photo and stats of male subject]
Here, more specifically, is what we had him do:
Male subject is instructed to approach average to attractive women and say:
“Hi, my name is ____________. I’ve noticed you around. I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime.”
(Mentally note response)
“Would it be okay if I got your number so I could call and set something up?”
(Mentally note response)
We also wanted to get some information from those women who agreed to a date and had a separate form for this purpose. Ambitious, we know.
Our subject, Dave, asked three women out. The first two said they had boyfriends; the third, however, agreed to a date and gave Dave her number. We approached her with our other form to get her information – but, sadly, it wasn’t to be.
Our first female subject of the day shut down and wouldn’t give us any information. She bolted. (Trust us, we’re not that frightening.) We went back to our friend Dave to continue with the experiment, but – get this! – suddenly he wasn’t interested anymore. He too bolted. No matter, we thought, we have his phone number.
Well, at this point we could have scouted for another male subject who would, hopefully, stick around to complete the experiment. But it had been a long day. About a dozen potential male subjects refused to even take part in the experiment before we had a taker in Dave Gaull, and after Dave bailed on us, we had had enough. We felt despair for the male condition. Where were the balls, we wondered? And when we returned to Headquarters we realized that our experiment was potentially more instructive than if we had merely reached the same conclusions as were discovered in the original experiment by Clark and Hatfield.
As it was, our experiment revealed that 1 in 3 women would agree to a date, as opposed to the 1 in 2 as concluded by Clark and Hatfield. Still very good odds, but we really didn’t gather sufficient data to be able to say this conclusively. What was interesting was the fact that Dave bailed on us. Why exactly did he bail? We had our suspicions. We waited a few weeks then phoned him to find out.
First, we asked if he had phoned Tina. He said he had – two days after he got her number.
He obviously wasn’t concerned about appearing overeager. He said they talked for about 10 minutes, about school and other “small talk.”
Then we asked if he had discussed the experiment with her. “A little bit,” answered Dave. “That’s how I opened talking to her. I just said, ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you, but if you still wanted to go out sometime, it’d be cool.’ She liked that. She was like ‘Yeah, that sounds cool’” but he hadn’t called her back yet. He planned on calling her after exams were over, in about a week to see if she’d be around during the summer.
So, he was clearly interested in pursuing something with her.
We asked him if she was offended that he approached her. “No, I don’t think so,” answered Dave. “After I talked to her she thought it was kind of funny, so I don’t think she was offended. She felt kinda weird and taken aback at first. She wasn’t really too sure how to react. Same as myself.”
No, I guess it doesn’t happen every day, that somebody hands you a set of balls.
Then we posed the big question: “Why did you choose to quit the experiment when you did?” Dave said: “I just felt a little uncomfortable, I felt awkward afterwards.”
“Yeah, why?” we asked.
“I just felt bad for the other person, the girl. After you guys went up and spoke to her, it felt ignorant a little bit, like that’s the only reason I went and talked to her was ’cause of that.” Well, Dave, that was the only reason you went up and talked to her. Why kid yourself?
Then we asked, “Where do you normally approach women?” Dave answered: “Usually at the bar. Or through friends. If we go out as a group and then some new girl’s there, I’ll talk to her, I’ll approach her then.” Dave’s single and searching. So how well’s that method working for him?
“How do you approach women at the bar?”
“Usually I just make myself stand out in the group of friends I’m with by being energetic, and if somebody notices me from there, I’ll go up and talk to them. That’s my role in the group.”
“What, Energy Man?”
“Yeah.”
Okay, Dave, whatever you say. Your cape is what color?
It was indeed as we had suspected. Dave had settled! And here’s who he settled on:
[See website/articles section for female stats]
Remember this timeworn adage, men: “Nice guys finish last.” Sure, Dave got himself a date, but why did he stop at one? Remember this adage, too: “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” But most importantly, remember: “Variety is the spice of life.” Who knows how things are going to turn out with Dave and Tina? They might go well, but why didn’t Dave get more numbers while he could say he was doing it for science, for the good of men all over the world? Why wouldn’t he go on as many dates as possible before he wakes up in Vegas one day with a mother-of-a-hangover and a ball-and-chain around his ankle? He limited his options because he felt like he was being an asshole. Fact is, chicks dig assholes. They like to know you’re a go-getter, that you’ll stop at nothing to get what you want, even if it means stepping all over other people. It’s a sign of dominance and power. Women want to be swept away by a strong and powerful man, like how Kong handles his love interest, Fay Wray, in the 1933 classic King Kong. Well, maybe not quite like that…
Interesting to note is the fact that Dave didn’t put anything down for “Potential income.” Perhaps what he put down as his life’s goals says something: “Have fun, drink beer, smoke.” Well, Dave, be sure and contact us when you find someone willing to pay you for that.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
By Martin Dobrovosky in association with www.BodyLanguageProject.com
If you’re not going on as many dates as you’d like, it’s because you’re simply not making the effort. At least that’s the suggestion behind the results of an experiment in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality. In fact, it seems that the important lesson to be learned from the experiment, conducted by Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield, is that you really don’t have to make much of an effort at all. Clark and Hatfield had college men, who varied in appearance from slightly unattractive to moderately attractive, stroll across the campus of Florida State University until they found an attractive woman they wanted to date. The men had to approach the woman and say: “I have been noticing you around campus and I find you to be very attractive.” Then they were to ask them one of three questions: (1) “Would you go out with me tonight?” (2) “Would you come over to my apartment tonight?” or (3) “Would you go to bed with me tonight?” First, we’re sorry to have to report that none of the women agreed to sex – responses ranged from “You’ve got to be kidding” to “What’s wrong with you, creep, leave me alone.” But, 6 percent agreed to the apartment invitation, while an encouraging 56 percent agreed to a date! So, if you choose to ask women to your apartment (which could very easily lead to sex if you play the right music and serve the right wine) then you only have to approach 17 women before you find one who’s up for it. Better yet, if you stick to the date question, you only have to ask 2 women before you find one who’ll go out with you. That’s every other woman! So, basically, just suck it up and ask.
Your Task: Run your own experiment – We did
Those were the results of one experiment. Well, we here at The Body Language Project, being the investigative journalistic types as we are (Geraldo Rivera has nothing on us!), thought it wise to see if we could duplicate the results. We headed to the local University early one afternoon and found a willing male subject in the on-campus bar. He agreed to ask ten women out on a date.
[see website/articles for photo and stats of male subject]
Here, more specifically, is what we had him do:
Male subject is instructed to approach average to attractive women and say:
“Hi, my name is ____________. I’ve noticed you around. I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime.”
(Mentally note response)
“Would it be okay if I got your number so I could call and set something up?”
(Mentally note response)
We also wanted to get some information from those women who agreed to a date and had a separate form for this purpose. Ambitious, we know.
Our subject, Dave, asked three women out. The first two said they had boyfriends; the third, however, agreed to a date and gave Dave her number. We approached her with our other form to get her information – but, sadly, it wasn’t to be.
Our first female subject of the day shut down and wouldn’t give us any information. She bolted. (Trust us, we’re not that frightening.) We went back to our friend Dave to continue with the experiment, but – get this! – suddenly he wasn’t interested anymore. He too bolted. No matter, we thought, we have his phone number.
Well, at this point we could have scouted for another male subject who would, hopefully, stick around to complete the experiment. But it had been a long day. About a dozen potential male subjects refused to even take part in the experiment before we had a taker in Dave Gaull, and after Dave bailed on us, we had had enough. We felt despair for the male condition. Where were the balls, we wondered? And when we returned to Headquarters we realized that our experiment was potentially more instructive than if we had merely reached the same conclusions as were discovered in the original experiment by Clark and Hatfield.
As it was, our experiment revealed that 1 in 3 women would agree to a date, as opposed to the 1 in 2 as concluded by Clark and Hatfield. Still very good odds, but we really didn’t gather sufficient data to be able to say this conclusively. What was interesting was the fact that Dave bailed on us. Why exactly did he bail? We had our suspicions. We waited a few weeks then phoned him to find out.
First, we asked if he had phoned Tina. He said he had – two days after he got her number.
He obviously wasn’t concerned about appearing overeager. He said they talked for about 10 minutes, about school and other “small talk.”
Then we asked if he had discussed the experiment with her. “A little bit,” answered Dave. “That’s how I opened talking to her. I just said, ‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you, but if you still wanted to go out sometime, it’d be cool.’ She liked that. She was like ‘Yeah, that sounds cool’” but he hadn’t called her back yet. He planned on calling her after exams were over, in about a week to see if she’d be around during the summer.
So, he was clearly interested in pursuing something with her.
We asked him if she was offended that he approached her. “No, I don’t think so,” answered Dave. “After I talked to her she thought it was kind of funny, so I don’t think she was offended. She felt kinda weird and taken aback at first. She wasn’t really too sure how to react. Same as myself.”
No, I guess it doesn’t happen every day, that somebody hands you a set of balls.
Then we posed the big question: “Why did you choose to quit the experiment when you did?” Dave said: “I just felt a little uncomfortable, I felt awkward afterwards.”
“Yeah, why?” we asked.
“I just felt bad for the other person, the girl. After you guys went up and spoke to her, it felt ignorant a little bit, like that’s the only reason I went and talked to her was ’cause of that.” Well, Dave, that was the only reason you went up and talked to her. Why kid yourself?
Then we asked, “Where do you normally approach women?” Dave answered: “Usually at the bar. Or through friends. If we go out as a group and then some new girl’s there, I’ll talk to her, I’ll approach her then.” Dave’s single and searching. So how well’s that method working for him?
“How do you approach women at the bar?”
“Usually I just make myself stand out in the group of friends I’m with by being energetic, and if somebody notices me from there, I’ll go up and talk to them. That’s my role in the group.”
“What, Energy Man?”
“Yeah.”
Okay, Dave, whatever you say. Your cape is what color?
It was indeed as we had suspected. Dave had settled! And here’s who he settled on:
[See website/articles section for female stats]
Remember this timeworn adage, men: “Nice guys finish last.” Sure, Dave got himself a date, but why did he stop at one? Remember this adage, too: “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” But most importantly, remember: “Variety is the spice of life.” Who knows how things are going to turn out with Dave and Tina? They might go well, but why didn’t Dave get more numbers while he could say he was doing it for science, for the good of men all over the world? Why wouldn’t he go on as many dates as possible before he wakes up in Vegas one day with a mother-of-a-hangover and a ball-and-chain around his ankle? He limited his options because he felt like he was being an asshole. Fact is, chicks dig assholes. They like to know you’re a go-getter, that you’ll stop at nothing to get what you want, even if it means stepping all over other people. It’s a sign of dominance and power. Women want to be swept away by a strong and powerful man, like how Kong handles his love interest, Fay Wray, in the 1933 classic King Kong. Well, maybe not quite like that…
Interesting to note is the fact that Dave didn’t put anything down for “Potential income.” Perhaps what he put down as his life’s goals says something: “Have fun, drink beer, smoke.” Well, Dave, be sure and contact us when you find someone willing to pay you for that.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Attractive Women and Low Self Esteem
Attractive Women and Low Self Esteem
Believe it or not, attractive women have no more self-esteem than less attractive people. They may in fact have less self-esteem because a lot of what others say is quite inconsistent with their actual accomplishments. The world as an attractive woman sees it, is as follows: "No matter what I do, I get complimented. People always say that I do a good job no matter what I do, or how much effort I put into things. Therefore, either I am really good at things or else they are all lying. I think everyone is lying." Hence, attractive women discount much of the compliments others give them.
Thus, you should think twice before complimenting a good looking woman. The first thing on an attractive woman's mind is deception. Any compliment you give to a good looking women will be scrutinized. She will assume that you have alternative plans for her. Which you probably do. Because a woman looks good, this means that others have lied to her a lot, therefore she will be good at detecting lies
Some more facts are as follows. The more attractive a woman perceives herself to be, the fewer sex partners she has had. However, the better-looking the woman the more popular she is as a dating partner. Thus, women who are good looking date more, but have sex fewer times. They are also difficult to approach because they will only date men who are on the same level as them. As an aside, you can measure the degree to which any girl finds herself attractive and how much self-esteem she has by the people she hangs around with daily. The more unattractive her friends are, the less self-esteem she has, and the more unattractive she finds herself. This can be a bonus for you.
Walsh (1993) adds that attractive women are freer to employ the female reproductive strategy, and (Buss, 1988, 1989) in Walsh, 1993) adds that they have far more choice in terms of partners than less attractive women. Women in this category get to act more like a homosexual (or lesbian) relationship because they have the upper hand. They are the more desirable person in the relationship and hence are able to force men into conforming. Contrary to attractive women, less attractive women feel they have fewer of the attributes that men desire and conform to the male strategy so as not to be left out of the dating game.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
References
Berscheid E. and K. Dion. 1971. Physical attractiveness and dating choice: a test of the matching hypothesis. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 7: 173-189.
Buss D. 1988. The evolution of human intrasexual competition: tactics of mate attraction.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 54: 616-628.
Buss D. 1989. Sex differences in human mate selection: evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 12: 1-49.
Major B., P.I. Carrington, and P.J.D. Carnevale. 1984. Physical attractiveness and self-esteem: attributions for praise from an other-sex evaluator. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 10: 43-50.
Walsh A. 1993. Love styles, masculinity/femininity, physical attractiveness, and sexual behavior: a test of evolutionary theory. Ethology and Sociobiology 14: 25-38.
Believe it or not, attractive women have no more self-esteem than less attractive people. They may in fact have less self-esteem because a lot of what others say is quite inconsistent with their actual accomplishments. The world as an attractive woman sees it, is as follows: "No matter what I do, I get complimented. People always say that I do a good job no matter what I do, or how much effort I put into things. Therefore, either I am really good at things or else they are all lying. I think everyone is lying." Hence, attractive women discount much of the compliments others give them.
Thus, you should think twice before complimenting a good looking woman. The first thing on an attractive woman's mind is deception. Any compliment you give to a good looking women will be scrutinized. She will assume that you have alternative plans for her. Which you probably do. Because a woman looks good, this means that others have lied to her a lot, therefore she will be good at detecting lies
Some more facts are as follows. The more attractive a woman perceives herself to be, the fewer sex partners she has had. However, the better-looking the woman the more popular she is as a dating partner. Thus, women who are good looking date more, but have sex fewer times. They are also difficult to approach because they will only date men who are on the same level as them. As an aside, you can measure the degree to which any girl finds herself attractive and how much self-esteem she has by the people she hangs around with daily. The more unattractive her friends are, the less self-esteem she has, and the more unattractive she finds herself. This can be a bonus for you.
Walsh (1993) adds that attractive women are freer to employ the female reproductive strategy, and (Buss, 1988, 1989) in Walsh, 1993) adds that they have far more choice in terms of partners than less attractive women. Women in this category get to act more like a homosexual (or lesbian) relationship because they have the upper hand. They are the more desirable person in the relationship and hence are able to force men into conforming. Contrary to attractive women, less attractive women feel they have fewer of the attributes that men desire and conform to the male strategy so as not to be left out of the dating game.
If you want to learn more about body language, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
References
Berscheid E. and K. Dion. 1971. Physical attractiveness and dating choice: a test of the matching hypothesis. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 7: 173-189.
Buss D. 1988. The evolution of human intrasexual competition: tactics of mate attraction.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 54: 616-628.
Buss D. 1989. Sex differences in human mate selection: evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences 12: 1-49.
Major B., P.I. Carrington, and P.J.D. Carnevale. 1984. Physical attractiveness and self-esteem: attributions for praise from an other-sex evaluator. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 10: 43-50.
Walsh A. 1993. Love styles, masculinity/femininity, physical attractiveness, and sexual behavior: a test of evolutionary theory. Ethology and Sociobiology 14: 25-38.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Mystery and Real Life Body Language
I have great respect for the man by the name of Mystery founder of the www.venusianarts.com. He’s done a lot to help open up the study of social dynamics as it applies to dating. When I first discovered his teachings and theories, I was floored and hungry for as much information as I could get my hands on. I stumbled upon the video linked here. His body language is great, dominant, relaxed and controlled. However, this wasn’t the most impressive part of the hidden camera clip. You’re welcome to watch the full clip, but if you’re impatient and really interested in body language and not social dynamics then fast forward to 2:40 and tell me what you think of the gesture the blonde performs. From a body language and research perspective this hair hold is absolutely stunning to watch in action and for those out of the “know” – this is a positive signal of interest! Now with this in mind, rewind a bit more and watch the full interaction. From there you can discover ways to elicit these positive gestures. If you want to learn more signals of sexual interest, be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Embed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-quMo2nOQYg&feature=related
I was asked to break the video down even further so here it is:
1) Entry, smooth yet deliberate. Calm, relaxed, no tension. His whole body is natural. He enters like the owner of the bar.
2) 20-25 seconds. He makes contact but uses IOD by looking away as they answer BUT not by first showing IOI via eye contact. He makes a point to look at each in the eye. Watch carefully as he goes back and forth from each girl. He also adds pauses in his conversation to emphasis certain words. He isn't afraid to hold dead air showing dominance.
3) 20-26. He allows the girls to assess him by turning around. He breaks eye contact. This is a great technique to do in a JOB interview because it gives the interviewer a chance to evaluate you and your dress and formulate their opinion of you without being infringed upon. Breaking eye contact allows them to begin the attraction process.
4) 56 seconds. He uses his hands to speak and uses them in unison with his speech which is good.
5) 1:30 seconds. Shows a few bad signals here because he appears to be leaning against the wall, but is quick to give up his post when he socializes with another girl. Being up against the wall is a security blanket. Most men just stay there even if they see someone of interest. He is not afraid to expand his territory.
6) At about 1:42 he has a slightly defensive gesture with his right arm across the midway of his body. Anytime the arm crosses the midline of the body it is a closed posture.
7) 1:48. Plenty of positive gestures from the girl. Answers his own question…that’s why you are drawn to her because she is sending plenty of IOI’s!
8) 2:26 plenty of IOI’s very strong by the girl. Hair plays and tosses with eye contact. Also plenty of eye contact from Mystery himself.
Embed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-quMo2nOQYg&feature=related
I was asked to break the video down even further so here it is:
1) Entry, smooth yet deliberate. Calm, relaxed, no tension. His whole body is natural. He enters like the owner of the bar.
2) 20-25 seconds. He makes contact but uses IOD by looking away as they answer BUT not by first showing IOI via eye contact. He makes a point to look at each in the eye. Watch carefully as he goes back and forth from each girl. He also adds pauses in his conversation to emphasis certain words. He isn't afraid to hold dead air showing dominance.
3) 20-26. He allows the girls to assess him by turning around. He breaks eye contact. This is a great technique to do in a JOB interview because it gives the interviewer a chance to evaluate you and your dress and formulate their opinion of you without being infringed upon. Breaking eye contact allows them to begin the attraction process.
4) 56 seconds. He uses his hands to speak and uses them in unison with his speech which is good.
5) 1:30 seconds. Shows a few bad signals here because he appears to be leaning against the wall, but is quick to give up his post when he socializes with another girl. Being up against the wall is a security blanket. Most men just stay there even if they see someone of interest. He is not afraid to expand his territory.
6) At about 1:42 he has a slightly defensive gesture with his right arm across the midway of his body. Anytime the arm crosses the midline of the body it is a closed posture.
7) 1:48. Plenty of positive gestures from the girl. Answers his own question…that’s why you are drawn to her because she is sending plenty of IOI’s!
8) 2:26 plenty of IOI’s very strong by the girl. Hair plays and tosses with eye contact. Also plenty of eye contact from Mystery himself.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Missing the Signals
So the other day my computer had a bit of a glitch. For the nerds out there (myself included) the computer wouldn’t post or would post inconsistently. Turns out there was a small screw set behind the motherboard. Interesting story huh! Well it got me to talking with the store owner about body language. He had been to a bar recently and was hanging out with a few buddies. They found it amusing to watch the antics of a man in his early 40’s trying to seduce the young ladies! He would describe play by play his stances (the cowboy pose) and his close talking. This fair man was even blessed by the appearance of an Alpha male who dwarfed the 6’ man which would have been very amusing to witness. I showed the computer tech a few images and we had a chuckle as I could point out all the poses he was conducting. This brought me to the final conclusion about his body language and that of the women around him. He was clearly missing the signals. The following video demonstrated my thoughts to the tech and we each had a chuckle about how clueless some men are in dating and attraction. If you read the signals, you can use your time better and calibrate your body language to the receptivity of those around you.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwRZpokV3Go
For more information on body language be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwRZpokV3Go
For more information on body language be sure to check out: www.BodyLanguageProject.com and the E-book - The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
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